In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.


In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First it is possible to browse the essay, and soon after we break down which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria has been considered therefore the sentence within the essay has been colour coded to correspond to your fours marking criteria used because of the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall assist you to understand:

  • How a Band is got by an essay 7
  • What sentence structures and language will become necessary for a Band 7
  • Ways to smoothly link ideas

In the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large numbers of young adults, in contrast to the number of the elderly. Do the advantages with this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It is well known that some countries have a population with more people that are young old people. Even this fact might have both benefits and drawbacks, In my opinion the positive implications of having a population that is youthful the negative ones. This essay will talk about the benefits and drawbacks examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people could lead to deficiencies in professionals into the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to the young one, this is being why they usually have had more hours to review a career that is professional their lives. As an example, to be a specialist physician it is needed at the very least 10 years of university studies and also this may possibly not be able for a young adult yet. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a complete lot in life and additionally they may be much more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might assist to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will probably have high rate of crime, this may be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than buy an essay old people. A study through the University of Chile indicated that into the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice higher than when you look at the north where the majority of the population where within their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations come in general more energetic and much more happy. This might be simply because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to focus more and continue maintaining them-self more energetic. Contributing to the reality that healthy people could work more proficiently, with this they can contribute to the economy regarding the country, making money rather than spending. For example, the simple truth is that old societies spend a lot of income in health because of their old citizens. Another positive element of having young adult populations is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than old visitors to practice and become an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer the majority of the players retires from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there would be no time for you to start an activity career. And last but not least, young societies are more likely to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities as well as more likely to take part in them. Old people may be too tired to venture out.

To conclude utilizing the arguments given above, I firmly genuinely believe that the benefits of youthful population over-weigh the disadvantages. And even though, there are positive facets of having an older population
that people should consider.

It really is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of young adults than old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact might have both benefits and drawbacks, In (GR1) my estimation the positive implications of getting a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will discuss the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to support both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your utilization of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Make an effort to vary your utilization of vocabulary if you’re able to.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to deficiencies in professionals in the society. Older population may be more educated as compared to young one, this might be being why LR2 that is( they have had more hours to study a professional career during their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a specialist physician it really is needed at the least ten years of university studies and also this may not be able for a adult that is young (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) might have been through a lot in life (LR5) and so they may be much more prepared to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This may assist to form a less stressful society. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher level of crime, this may be because young people have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study from the University of Chile (TR5) indicated that when you look at the south of Chile, where in fact the population is mainly young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice more than within the north where most of the population where in their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce an illustration.
TR4 – Good to add a good example to aid your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at… that is least and young adults have never yet had time for you to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit on the side that is informal but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to use examples to support your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a relative clause.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – in addition to noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations are in general more active and more happy. This can be because (CC5) they will have less old illness that is age-associated them to the office more and maintain them-self more active (LR7) . Contributing to the reality that healthy people can perhaps work more proficiently, with this they could subscribe to the economy for the country, making money rather than spending (GR4) . As an example, it’s true that old societies fork out a lot of money in health because of their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive facet of having adult that is young is that there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have more some time more energy than
old individuals to practice and turn an excellent sport professional. In soccer most of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career when they turn thirty yrs old (LR9 ). With old people there would be no time to start a sport career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This might be because they’re more proactive in organize those activities and in addition more likely to take part in them. Old people could be too tired to go out.

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